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[personal profile] transpao
I am so anxious today. I have to go spend lots of time with my family. I am so nervous that I am going to just blurt it out. I have never been very good at keeping secrets.

I definitely do not want to deliver the trans news on Mother's day. I think it would be cruel. I know she was trying for a girl. While I know I was never the daughter she wanted, she only partly gets it.

I just have to keep my mouth shut. I have to watch every word that escapes my lips. No story telling. I get wrapped up in a story and bam! the next thing I know is that I have forgotten there is a part about transness that is essential to the story line. I get left there trying to figure out how to end the story so it makes since and make it the least about anything trans or calling myself male in any way.

Like once I was telling my brother (who I am NOT out)about my friend (who I am out) laughing about me texting him and saying I had to go jump on a mower for the afternoon. my friend replied with something along the lines of you're so Butch. And I laughed and said "Hey gay dudes can be butch, too. My boss is queer as a $3 Bill." I ended up just finishing the story and my brother just stared at me like I had made no since what so ever.
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