transpao: (Default)
[personal profile] transpao
So I have continued to take my shots. My fourth shout will be on this coming Thursday. If I take It.

I had a sore throat following the last shot. I got really nervous that my voice was going to drop. I can't begin to let you in on the turmoil that this causes me. I dread speaking. I hate the sound of my own voice. I dread the confusion when someone correctly genders me, and then I open my mouth and they immediately apologize and incorrectly genders me. I hate the occasional look someone gives when they are somehow affronted by my look and voice not corresponding. I hate how it feels to try to figure out if there is any way I can respond non-verbally to someone that wont offend them.

Then on the other hand, my father owns the home I live in. My husband nd I pay only a small sum for rent and utilities. I took in a family that was being evicted. All these people are currently depending on me not pissing my dad off enough to kick us out. While I don't necessarily think he would, you really never can tell how a parent is going to take the whole trans thing.

I have a decision to make again. Only a couple of days until my next shot.

On the normal-ish side of life. I was in an accident. My fault. Insurance Totaled out my car. My fridge died. We were given one. It died. It was fixed. Husband got a new job. Car shopping sucks.

Date: 2017-06-28 06:05 am (UTC)
aidenonymous: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aidenonymous
Sorry you feel so conflicted about potential voice changes. That was what I was most looking forward to on T, and for me it couldn't happen soon enough. I wasn't out at work, and my voice started changing within my first week on T (although it's continued to develop over the past four years), but it was almost a year before anyone said anything. They just thought I had a cold, and I just said I felt fine when they asked. People largely see what they want/expect to, and unless they're really well-versed in queer issues, they probably won't catch on if you've never talked to them about being trans. I hope you can get to a place where you feel good about whatever changes you get without your dad noticing.

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