transpao: (sezzy)
I did something foolish a moment ago...

I thought it wouldn't matter this time
I thought I'd come far enough
I thought it wouldn't hurt
At least I stopped before I read it

*sigh*

How could someone be so... *sigh* If there were words... I just don't understand how someone could be the way he is.

My memmory tells me of a time
When there was sweet praise on your lips
When I was what you adored
I wonder now that I am banished
I wonder now that I am ignored
Was I that mistaken?
Was it one of your dreams?
How I long to ask you...
But not with tongue or lips
I'd have to see you face to face
to tare open the scared over hole to you soul
transpao: (Default)
I just tried to write a bit in here a lost myself in anger and selfpitty so I ditched that entry in hopes that I wouldn't bore everyone to tears with my droll whining...

Something I just noticed though is that it's rather amazing how depressing and empty messanger list is. It tends to give me that horrific feeling of total isolation. Everyone else has somethign better to do then be online right now, which in turn makes me rather fucking pathetic, seeing as how I am here alone listening to CXS's "The Myster of the Whisper" trying to drowned myself in crown royal and fucking 58 cent check cola, whiching despritly that there was someone to talk too... someone that wanted to listen to my shit... or at least could stand to ignore the IM while I rant...

I'm not even sure I remember why I miss him so much. I'm not even sure that it matters. He showed up tonight... only for a bit... jsut enough to tare down all the work I had done telling myself I'm over him.

Cruxshadows lyrics
Monument )
But it doesn't matter... honestly because while I may miss him more then anything, I honestly thing that I am finally accepting of the fact that I will never see him again... I will never touch his face... I will never run my hands accross his scar or his tatoos

dreams

Mar. 21st, 2004 11:24 am
transpao: (Default)
I drempt again last night that somehow I managed to end up at his house with my mother, and friend april. except when we got there the trailer he supposibly lived in was no were to be found, and on the lot instead was a strange iron tower that supported by chains a strange box like contraption. As my mother wondered around trying to figure out where he had gone I turned to april and said " you know that thinng over there rather looks like a casket" she agreed and said that the blue tarp that had been laid on the ground rather gave it the same effect. I shuddered as two men approched and when my mother asked where lot .... went the man said "It's been taken permenintly from the rentals, as the former lord was murdered in a most brutal way." And as my mother said his name I said it allowed inside the car, and just as the man nodded in agreement I let out a horrific screaming "NO!" The rest of the dream I spent in daze shaking and repeating "No!" over and over

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transpao

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