Apr. 22nd, 2017

transpao: (Default)
Wow. It is nice to know there is a more open place to put my old journal. It really does mean a lot to me. I also need a new outlet. This looks promising. I wish I could import my Wordpress blog. Might have to do that by hand. It would be nice to have it all in one place.

I am at a place where I am looking to start Testosterone. I have called the gender therapist in my area. I hope I have enough history to make it a quick thing. I mean I wish my current therapist I have been seeing for 10 years felt comfortable with writing the letter. She knows more about me than almost anyone. She just isn't a gender specialist, and feels like she can't make the evaluation.

I called the local informed consent clinic. They have been without a coordinator for months, but didn't bother putting that on the website. There is another that only requires RLE, but it is hard to have RLE when you are 5'2 and look and sound so much like a girl. I've told my partner and a lot of my friends. I plan on coming out to my parents after I get on hormones. I am not sure I will ever tell my coworkers. They can figure it out for themselves, or they can say something, but I don't see a need to bring it up.

I am sorta holding on to the hope that I can have a genetic child. But I think I have to start hormones first. I am scared to at 35, but we don't have the IVF money yet, and the docs say it is the only way. I might come off of T to gestate if my partner gets a job that pays for IVF. But that is all in the future, and right now I am so dysphoric.

I hope anyone that happens to read my journal enjoys it. I am not very good at ending post. So um... there.

Meds

Apr. 22nd, 2017 07:23 pm
transpao: (Default)
I am so not stoked about my new meds.

On the one hand the agitation makes me motivated to do shit.
On the other it makes me totally unable to focus and feel like I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack.

I am hoping it is just something I need to weather.

But it has been over a week now and I am just as bad as the at I started it.

Maybe I should have just waited on seeing if T helped my moods.

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transpao

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