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still no word from the boi...

I really don't know what to think.

I'm deppressed as all hell.

I tried to go to the viewing today, but the line was out the door and there wass no place to park so we left.

I have a ton of work to do but can't concentrate on it.

I have orders I need to make.
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I'm afraid it's over.

I hate to ask.

Not like I have much of a choise though since the longest we've talked in nearly a week, I don't count the five seconds where he answered the phone and said he was on his way out the door with friends.

Maybe I'm over reacting, but no IM's... No phone calls... Doesn't return my calls no e-mail *sigh*

I mean I figured he's take all his stuff if he wans't planning on coming back, and he still has a ton of stuff here...

I miss him and I don't want us to end... I ahte endings


May. 31st, 2004 09:27 pm
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So Went to [ profile] ilawade's party on Sat. I had quite a bit of fun. I was really sad that [ profile] glitter_vvhore didn't show. I did meet a nifty couple of people one guy named Erik that owned an organic food shop on Germany for a couple of years. We sat and talked shop for a few hours that was a lot of fun. Then I also met this cat named Mike that writes erotica. I was telling him that I write a bit of it myself and he suggested a plot night where we could get together and talk stories and plot problems and so on. It really sounded like a great idea. I might just take him up on it.

I stayed at Ila and Josh's place all weekend. Then we went to Ren Fair today. It was nice. I felt out of place and didn't get into it as much because for the first time in ages I wasn't dressed up. I also didn't want to spend much money so the only thing I bought was a soda. For some reason not beign dressed up, not eating any of the food, and not buying anythign just made it all rather... I dunno. But on the upside there were lots of sexy guys and girls in ren wear running around.

We went to Agnes and Muriel's this evening for dinner. I love that place. They have the best food. I was a little disapointed in my meatloaf tonight, but the squash caserol was very tastey. I know to stick with my fav dish... the ultra yummy buttermilk fried chicken.

I miss the [ profile] glitter_vvhore I wanted to see him this evening very badly. *pouts*
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I'm awake... I should be asleep.. or at least I feel I should be. Although to be totally honest I don't have anything I have to do today. It's just monday and I guess I feel I should have slept last night.

I slept most of yesterday away so It's not like I really needed much sleep. Although now my back is starting to really bug me again... not that it ever stopped. I went to see Einsturzende Neubauten Sat night. I wasn't feeling all that spiff but I knew it would be more fun then sitting at home alone. I Loved it! The only drawback is that I was in platforms and standing all night made my feet hurt and my back hasn't hurt this bad in ages.I mean we're talking a very unhappy spinal collum here.

I should get my back care Yoga book today or tomorrow and I'm super excited about that. I am looking forward to finding out exersizes that will help to increase strength on the underdeveloped side of my back. I know that if I let it go with no excersize then my curve will just get worse as I get older and that doesn't sound like any fun at all.

I dyed my hair back to black. Mostly at the urging of my brother. I like it though.

If ya wanna see here's My yahoo album Concert piccies are towards the end. Doesn't [ profile] glitter_vvhore look fab?
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So Volume has gone up a a good bit or at least it feels that way. I've gotten 8 orders in the past two weeks, and the amounts have gone up as well. I got the money from my stocks a couple of days ago so that I could take care of the debt I incured and manage the orders I needed. I feel like I can breath a bit now.

I had a wonderful time out to eat with [ profile] ilawade and a couple of friends I haven't seen since High school, last night. Then Ila and I had a long very refreshing talk. I think we might be on to something... and that feels really good.

I came home to find [ profile] glitter_vvhore's truck in my driveway. I walked in and found the washer running my room straightened and the lovely boi stretched out accross my bed reading The Last Hero. Lets just say the feeling was overwhelming. I don't think I've ever come home to a lover before... It was so wonderful. I felt bad about the fact that he had said he would come over and I just figured that if he didn't hear from me he'd just not come. I feel bad that he waited so long for me and that he was worried, but I hope he can at least imagine the fantastic way it made me feel to come home to him.

So in other news Jillian had her baby. She went into labor at 7pm or so Wen. night and had the baby boy at 8pm today. I didn't go up to the hospital because I figured she'd be exhausted and have enough people poking and proding and hassling her. I hope she doesn't feel slighted that I didn't come though.

Well that's about it...
Oh yeah [ profile] lorigami Did you get my e-mail?
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Actually come to think of it; it's been an interesting day. First the boi showed up last night around 3am or so and supprised me with a birthday visit. He's such a sweetie! Remind me to huggle and kiss him a few times. He went and got some groceries and we fixed dinner for hourselves at 5am...hahaha. We then napped a bit and he left around 11:30.

After his departure I went to kroger and rented a steam cleaner, because when I went last night they couldn't rent one to me. Apparently they have changed their policies so that only customer service and rent them out and customer service closes at 11pm. Fuckers! But I got the steam cleaner and a refund of nearly $18 on a reciept because the checkout girl forgot to use my kroger card.

I came home and vacuumed then steam cleaned the carpet in the guest room so that it would be nice and smell good for our guest. Then I tackled the rug in the... well the room no one ever goes in...

After this I started to work a bit on my room but I was tired and proceeded to curle up with the boxes stacked on my bed and fall asleep. I slept until 8pm and got up and dashed out to the wholefoods. I hate that the local grocery doesn't carry 7th generation laundry products. On my whay to the whole foods my engine light came on. I decided that I would keep going to the store anyway because I didn't want them to close on me. I managed to get to the store and get my laundry powder. I also picked up a few groceries.

I was going to stop and check out the problem on my way home but the auto place was closed and I was pretty sure I knew what the problem was so I drove home and then proceeded to check my oil. HAHAHAHA I'm such a dumb ass... the car had no oil. d'oh! I really do ahve to keep it in better condition. I usually am much better about my cars, but I just don't think of this one as anything more then "until I have the money for my hybrid" but anyway, I put oil in it, but that didn't make the light go off and it's still making a funny noise so I dunno what to do about it.

I finally got around to steam cleaning the carpeyt in my room. It smells and looks so much nicer now. woot! everything is so clean and straight. woohoo! When I finished I went to grab the invite to my friends baby shower tomorrow from the kitchen and I bumped into our house guest, apparently it's a bit hot for him to sleep and he isn't used to getting much sleep anyway so we chatted for about an hour and a half. He is a very intelagint man. He's from India and is here on a J-visa. He is hoping that my father will hire him so that he can stay here in the United States rather then have to go back to India when his residency is finished. He is very polite and speaks lovely English. He said I sound british. woot! I think he was is just used to the much faster speaking chicago population then southern speach, but it wass still a lovely compliment. I've actually gotten it before though. Usually from foriegners... interesting.

Well it's nearly four and I am exhausted. I've had a very full day. lovely dreams to all. g'ni
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So I've been upset for a while because the boi wants to spend his birthday alone. I fucking hate that. I mean b-days are a time to celibrate the people you care about. I love them. They are my favoret of holidays. I like throwing parties for people and supprising them with gifts and food and well supprises. I mean that kinda thing just makes me happy.

But okay so his one birthday wish is to be left alone. Okay I'll deal... I mean it IS his birthday.

But then dad drops it on me (@ 9:45pm) that apparently he is interviewing some doctor from Chicago this weekend and the doctor is going to be staying in the guest room. So it's my job to make sure the house is straight and so on. The only real fucking problem in that is that mom dog likes to use rooms that no one ever goes in as a restroom. I mean I've cleaned up his messes and so on when I find them, but the reality of it is that the guest room doesn't smell very nice. I've been wanting to go rent a carpet cleaner for a while now, but I was hoping to have a little help with it as they are heavy, cumbersom and the task hurts my arm and back. Oh well that's not going to happen. I get to go rent one tonight lug it up two flights of stairs and the proceed to clean the room.

I love my dog to death and I wouldn't give him up for the world, but damnit why can't he just go where he's supposed too!
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I had an order for several shirts that I made a promise would be dielivered by May 7th. I knew better then to make the promise, but I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. Iw as upset with the women I was replyign to and I was trying so hard to be overly nice to compinsate for my anger that I said soemthing I shouldn't have. Now there is a very real possiblity that there will be a problem for me to even recieve the order by May 7th much less be to the women I have tos end it to by that date. AND OH SHE WILL BITCH. But there is little I can do about it now. I could e-mail her and tell her of the problem, but until I talk with my sales rep about when they will get the shipment in I really don't know if I can pull it off or not, so I refuse to worry until Monday. I am writting this now to let it ago.

In other news, I feel absolutly wretched for being the primary reason Da Mikey didn't get home on time today. I mean we both over slept, but I was begging him to come over, and I wanted to take my car because it gets better milage than his truck, and I also forgot to take my meds last night before bed which made it impossible for me to wake up this morning. I wish I could explain the feeling to people. I mean it's not somethign I can really do anythign about once I'm in that state. I mean I am just zombifide. If I do wake up it is a struggle to keep my eyes half open, even if I am standing in the shower. I have litterally fallen asleep standing in the shower in one of these states before. But I should ahve taken the pill and it wouldn't have happened and I would have gotten up and pushed the boi out of bed. Instead we woke at 4pm, got stuck in traffic, my car started overheating, we had to pull off the expressway and find a gas station where we spent a good 20 minutes with me watching him pour water into the car bits. We reached his house sometime around 6:15... he was supposed to be there by 11:00am.

Hopefully I can make it up to him though. I was telling him the otherday about how I used to be a papper girlie, until my accident and the for a short stint in 02. So yesterday he suggested that we get a route together at least for the summer. We'd use his truck, and I'd drive and he's toss papers. It sounds like a good idea to me so I'mma call up and try to find the number to the distribution wherehouse on his side of town, and ask if they have an open possition. With the both of us doing it we might even be able to pick up a second route which would be pretty nifty.

well I suppose now that I'm all worked up about it I should call and see what I can find out... until later

Save me...

Mar. 23rd, 2004 11:38 pm
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I haven't eaten all day... can't seem to make myself.

The thought of turtal bownies (without nuts) sounds good but no energy to go to the store, no money to buy them, and then I'd have to stay awake long enough to cook them...

I'm really going to miss him...

I'm so frustrated at the moment but right now I'm to tired to be angry.


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