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I feel strange now. I feel as if I’ve been put on simmer. It’s like I’m waiting for something… I just feel like at any moment something could be thrown into the pot and I’d cool down or explode.
I’m restless. I keep searching for a hobby. Something to keep me occupied. Although I find myself afraid of finding one. I know that if I do find something I love doing then I’ll get sucked in and all other things will fall to the way side. Not to mention most hobbies cost money, that for now is being completely sucked dry by my business. Oh yeah and the business… I’d love to have it fill my spare time but it’s not really capable of that at the moment. I’m singing up for belly dancing classes in October, and I hope that will decreases my spare time while allowing me an outlet for some of this frustration. Ila also mentioned Pottery classes. I’d love to get back into that… It was one of those things that sucked at my soul… the entire world could have fallen into a hole and I’d have kept right on molding. I think I still have that best in show ribbon somewhere…
I know if I let myself think about it I could get very angry at the world right now. So I am trying not too. It’s that “Fair” bit that always throws me. Ya know, I’d like to believe in Karma, I really would. The problem with that is that, I just haven’t seen it. Not enough. Yeah sometimes something happens the way it “should” but most of the time bad shit happens to good people. And if there isn’t one God up there calling the shots, with one set of rules then I think karma has pretty hard time telling what it should be punishing. Maybe that’s it maybe karma is just fucking confused after centuries of being told by one group that “this” is what should be happening and the opposite by another. I dunno… I’m not even sure I can totally agree with the punishing people for shit they don’t even remember doing. I mean look if your going to punish me, tell me what the fuck I did!
ARG!
Why is it that Love is so unfair? I mean it’s supposed to be the best thing in the whole fucking world, but it’s the most unfair thing in the world. I mean Falling in love with someone isn’t a choice for me. Maybe for some folks it is but not for me. Because I’d for damn sure pick different people to fall in love with if I had a choice in the matter. I think it’s all a wash of fucking bullshit!
And SEX is soooo not fair. I mean even taking out all the attractive shit that it has to do with. I mean, here is a basic Animal need. But instead of being enjoyable and fun, it has to be contaminated by disease. I mean these hormones can drive us mad, and talk us into making really stupid decisions, and it’s something we just have to DEAL with.
Crap I wasn’t supposed to start bitching…
I’m restless. I keep searching for a hobby. Something to keep me occupied. Although I find myself afraid of finding one. I know that if I do find something I love doing then I’ll get sucked in and all other things will fall to the way side. Not to mention most hobbies cost money, that for now is being completely sucked dry by my business. Oh yeah and the business… I’d love to have it fill my spare time but it’s not really capable of that at the moment. I’m singing up for belly dancing classes in October, and I hope that will decreases my spare time while allowing me an outlet for some of this frustration. Ila also mentioned Pottery classes. I’d love to get back into that… It was one of those things that sucked at my soul… the entire world could have fallen into a hole and I’d have kept right on molding. I think I still have that best in show ribbon somewhere…
I know if I let myself think about it I could get very angry at the world right now. So I am trying not too. It’s that “Fair” bit that always throws me. Ya know, I’d like to believe in Karma, I really would. The problem with that is that, I just haven’t seen it. Not enough. Yeah sometimes something happens the way it “should” but most of the time bad shit happens to good people. And if there isn’t one God up there calling the shots, with one set of rules then I think karma has pretty hard time telling what it should be punishing. Maybe that’s it maybe karma is just fucking confused after centuries of being told by one group that “this” is what should be happening and the opposite by another. I dunno… I’m not even sure I can totally agree with the punishing people for shit they don’t even remember doing. I mean look if your going to punish me, tell me what the fuck I did!
ARG!
Why is it that Love is so unfair? I mean it’s supposed to be the best thing in the whole fucking world, but it’s the most unfair thing in the world. I mean Falling in love with someone isn’t a choice for me. Maybe for some folks it is but not for me. Because I’d for damn sure pick different people to fall in love with if I had a choice in the matter. I think it’s all a wash of fucking bullshit!
And SEX is soooo not fair. I mean even taking out all the attractive shit that it has to do with. I mean, here is a basic Animal need. But instead of being enjoyable and fun, it has to be contaminated by disease. I mean these hormones can drive us mad, and talk us into making really stupid decisions, and it’s something we just have to DEAL with.
Crap I wasn’t supposed to start bitching…
