Insanity

[transpao]

*sigh* it seems that every few years the memories get a little to stale, and I see so many other people who really really seem to enjoy it. They wrap their lives in it. They talk about how calm it makes them. How warm and fuzzy the world becomes.

You see every few years I forget that whatever pot does to everyone else... It doesn't do that to me.

Ye gods, at the shear terror and panic. I can never seem to explain vividly enough the absolute horror that fills my world when I get high. I've never met another soul that understands me when I talk about it. The blank stares... they always seem to think I'm joking... or the excuse always gets made that it must have been laced.

I wish. But no. This is the 3rd time. 1st with another friend, 2nd with a whole group, and 3rd with one other friend; none of them had any adverse effects except that they had to have my totally tripped out ass ruining their buzz.

I keep thinking that somehow if I say terror enough it will somehow convey for a second the actuality. It doesn't ever seem to work. I wish there was someone I could think really understood. But even the people who say they have panicked or got paranoid on pot... never have the look in their eyes. I know that what they felt wont wake them up weeks later in a cold sweat.

I wish I could just have a normal reaction. Jeeze. Everyone seems to love the stuff or at least sorta enjoy it. Everyone else seems to giggle and have fun, and be all relaxed. Instead I seem to get not just fear but Fear. The feeling of being trapped and terrified. Like my whole essence is being swallowed up by oblivion. Twitching and shaking uncontrollably. and so much more I could never even explain.

Comments

[paosparti.livejournal.com]

I guess. It's just wierd I thought pot was supposed to help with anxiety. I used every "tool" in my book breathing, explaining to myself I was just high and it was transient, trying distraction, and nothing worked I couldn't control myself or anything. The only thing that helped was walking, mostly outside for preference, I'm not sure why that was I think it had to do with the repetitive motion and lack of stimuli.

The crazy thing is it isn't like I smoked all that much. it was something like 6 hits off a joint 3 to 4 inches long and no thicker than a pencil.

Where did you hear the anxiety stuff? I hadn't heard that before. And for some reason I think it would make me feel a touch better to find out more.

and on another note. I'll call you about the pads sometime soon. I think you have the design a little confused, and we'll discuss the best ones for you. I can't call tonight unless my plans fall through.

[catherineschild.livejournal.com]

Well there could be lots of factors.

Number one, maybe it's not just you, maybe its the weed. There are hundreds of strains of marijuana that exist. Most of them have been breeded with different strains to produce different effects, which isn't bad, but that could be a factor.

Number two, maybe it's not just you, maybe its the weed. Quality also plays a big part. If the weed is bad quality or if someone has mixed it with other crap, that is something to consider. The weed could be too dry or contain seeds and/or twigs that people also put inside of their blunts/joints/bowls/pipes to smoke. this is a no-no.

Number three, maybe it's not just you, maybe its the weed. Since you don't smoke that much, your body has to adjust to it. Not only does your brain and your lungs have to deal with the lack of oxygen, but the chemical factors of marijuana. I know when i first started smoking on a habitual basis my head spun and throbbed heavily to the point where if I did not drink water or lay down, it felt like I was going to die. Thankfully those symptoms faded. I don't consider myself to be a stereotypical stoner. My grades and gpa rise each semester and I have held on to both of my jobs for over a year.

If you are going to occasionally smoke weed, hit the blunt/joint/bong/pipe maybe once or twice and chill for 15 mintues or more until you feel as though you can do it again. if not, don't force it. but honey i don't think you are crazy or joking what so ever. weed causes common side effects but anxiety isn't uncommon. depending on the person and their physical/mental health, it can produce other unwanted side effects too.

[paosparti.livejournal.com]

well it has happened in three different cases months and years apart. the first time I smoked with one other friend and he had no ill effects. The second time I smoked with a whole group of friends and strangers, I know that one of the friends in the group smoked as rarely as I have or even less and she had no ill effects. Then this time the friend I smoked with had no ill effects.

I only had about 6 hits of a 4" pencil sized joint. after the first few minutes it hit and I was okay with the first light headedness and vague feelings. But then what appears to strike me differently is what happens after that. I could not lay or sit down. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had. I would have given almost anything to have it gone. I was delusional. There were voices screaming at me. I was constantly startled by my surroundings. I got lost on the same street repeatedly. and even as I try and describe what was going on it doesn't do any of it justice.