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transpao*le sigh* I sigh to clear my mind. I just read vague thoughts from someone. They made me sad. I remembered why I stopped reading my lovers journals. I love to live in dreams. I love to bleive what people tell me. The only problem is when invavitably reality comes crashing in and suffucates me. I think that is what it is... the weight that I feel on my chest... it's the peices of shattered dreams weighing me down.
I did something I shouldn't have last night and I am paying the price today. Where is the O'god that I must pay tribute too? actually I'm not sure if last night was the mistake or going back to sleep today. I woke up at 2:30pm having slept 10 hours solid for the first time in AGES. I felt good. I made some cinimmin buns... ate them... watched Rosanne and then was bored so I went to sleep again... where upon I woke up 5 minutes before I was supposed to be somewhere that is at the least 35 minutes away. Had an exruciating headache. and had to rush out the door to drive to a place where I kneew I wasn't wanted so that I could get something for an event I really can't say I want to happen...
The lighting was pretty though. On I-75 there ewas a storm off to the distance and the sky had that neat quality of dusk being covered with approching clouds and every now and then a bolt of blue-white would reach down a touch the earth.
I don't like being confused. I don't think I'll make it threw another one whole... I thought of casting for one today... It's as if the fear of loss has almost overwhelmed my sences. My dreams are chaotic and harsh. I dream of Harsh answers and unsympathetic lovers, and crunching metal and bits of flesh and hateful distant eyes, and screams and pain and highways, and crunching glass and... it all seemed so real.
and I'm being vague out of spite...
I did something I shouldn't have last night and I am paying the price today. Where is the O'god that I must pay tribute too? actually I'm not sure if last night was the mistake or going back to sleep today. I woke up at 2:30pm having slept 10 hours solid for the first time in AGES. I felt good. I made some cinimmin buns... ate them... watched Rosanne and then was bored so I went to sleep again... where upon I woke up 5 minutes before I was supposed to be somewhere that is at the least 35 minutes away. Had an exruciating headache. and had to rush out the door to drive to a place where I kneew I wasn't wanted so that I could get something for an event I really can't say I want to happen...
The lighting was pretty though. On I-75 there ewas a storm off to the distance and the sky had that neat quality of dusk being covered with approching clouds and every now and then a bolt of blue-white would reach down a touch the earth.
I don't like being confused. I don't think I'll make it threw another one whole... I thought of casting for one today... It's as if the fear of loss has almost overwhelmed my sences. My dreams are chaotic and harsh. I dream of Harsh answers and unsympathetic lovers, and crunching metal and bits of flesh and hateful distant eyes, and screams and pain and highways, and crunching glass and... it all seemed so real.
and I'm being vague out of spite...
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Date: 2003-08-23 07:43 pm (UTC)be careful to understand that love is a choice, not an emotion. there are some who make the choice to lie. and there are some who make the choice to love, but struggle with it -- yet they still choose and stick to that choice.
my heart goes out to you, Pao.