It's raining Boots!

Hahaha... look everyone ^ she's trying to be clever again!

So I've had shitty day... No actually I had a damn fine day just woke up in a shitty mood... probably because I've had a shitty month...


Hell I'd say I was angry but honestly I'm just not even sure I have it in me to be angry. And I can't be properly depressed because I'm too afraid to die.

I hate this... I hate whining... I hate feeling like this... I hate being frustrated...

Do you ever sometimes wish you were a doll?
Do you ever wish you had no feelings to feel?
Do you ever want to just fuck... no names... no heart... no phone calls?
Do you ever want to forget?
Do you ever dream of being beaten, so it doesn't hurt so much?
Are you ever afraid to admit who you are because no one likes you?
Do you ever do something and think...Oh man this is it! only to sudenly realize that it still wont stear down the depression?

*laugh* Hey look I could right the new charter comercial...

If you don't get help here... Please get help at a summer camp full of ungreatful druggie teenagers somewhere!

Why does love love me diffrently then you?

*le sigh* I sigh to clear my mind. I just read vague thoughts from someone. They made me sad. I remembered why I stopped reading my lovers journals. I love to live in dreams. I love to bleive what people tell me. The only problem is when invavitably reality comes crashing in and suffucates me. I think that is what it is... the weight that I feel on my chest... it's the peices of shattered dreams weighing me down.

I did something I shouldn't have last night and I am paying the price today. Where is the O'god that I must pay tribute too? actually I'm not sure if last night was the mistake or going back to sleep today. I woke up at 2:30pm having slept 10 hours solid for the first time in AGES. I felt good. I made some cinimmin buns... ate them... watched Rosanne and then was bored so I went to sleep again... where upon I woke up 5 minutes before I was supposed to be somewhere that is at the least 35 minutes away. Had an exruciating headache. and had to rush out the door to drive to a place where I kneew I wasn't wanted so that I could get something for an event I really can't say I want to happen...

The lighting was pretty though. On I-75 there ewas a storm off to the distance and the sky had that neat quality of dusk being covered with approching clouds and every now and then a bolt of blue-white would reach down a touch the earth.

I don't like being confused. I don't think I'll make it threw another one whole... I thought of casting for one today... It's as if the fear of loss has almost overwhelmed my sences. My dreams are chaotic and harsh. I dream of Harsh answers and unsympathetic lovers, and crunching metal and bits of flesh and hateful distant eyes, and screams and pain and highways, and crunching glass and... it all seemed so real.

and I'm being vague out of spite...