I'll try this again...

[transpao]

I just tried to write a bit in here a lost myself in anger and selfpitty so I ditched that entry in hopes that I wouldn't bore everyone to tears with my droll whining...

Something I just noticed though is that it's rather amazing how depressing and empty messanger list is. It tends to give me that horrific feeling of total isolation. Everyone else has somethign better to do then be online right now, which in turn makes me rather fucking pathetic, seeing as how I am here alone listening to CXS's "The Myster of the Whisper" trying to drowned myself in crown royal and fucking 58 cent check cola, whiching despritly that there was someone to talk too... someone that wanted to listen to my shit... or at least could stand to ignore the IM while I rant...

I'm not even sure I remember why I miss him so much. I'm not even sure that it matters. He showed up tonight... only for a bit... jsut enough to tare down all the work I had done telling myself I'm over him.

Cruxshadows lyrics


I never wrote you a love song
somehow words could not express what I needed to say
and so I never wrote you a love song
and now it's much, much too late 'cause you've gone away

But I will build this monument
to remember all the love we once had
and I'll close my eyes and make it how it used to be
I swear I never stopped loving you with everything I am
and it hurts so much to think you stopped loving me
you stopped loving me

So I wish that I'd had written you a love song
and somehow you understood what it feels to be me
becuase the Angel loves the sprite forever
and does it unconditionally

But I will build this monument
to remember all the love we once had
and I'll close my eyes and make it how it used to be
I swear I never stopped loving you with everything I am
and it hurts so much to think you stopped loving me
you stopped loving me

I met a lady in the meads
Full beautiful --- a faery's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She look'd at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long;
For sideways would she lean, and sing
A faery's song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna dew;
And sure in language strange she said,
'I love thee true.'

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep,
And there I dream'd --- ah! woe betide! ---
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings, and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried --- 'La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!'

I saw their starved lips in the gloam
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke, and found me here
On the cold hill side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering;
Though the sedge is wither'd from the lake,
And no birds sing.

But it doesn't matter... honestly because while I may miss him more then anything, I honestly thing that I am finally accepting of the fact that I will never see him again... I will never touch his face... I will never run my hands accross his scar or his tatoos