strange dreams
Sep. 20th, 2008 10:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
transpaohad a bunch of strange dreams last night.
my brother stealing lots of alcohol from me... wtf?
Telling Jeremey off for some of the horrible things he did to me.
Starting a pagan craft club and telling Jill about it.
Talking with Angel Wylde on-line about his new marriage, recent child, and him showing me photos of them all gardening and playing together. (BTW I know nothing about Angel's current state of affairs I'm pretty sure he's been with the same girl for a while, but other than that I don't have any idea if any of the above have anything to do with reality)
But probably the strangest was the one where I get the out of the blue phone call from Ila crying and telling me she needs help leaving Creighton. I ask her if she's really thought this out and is sure, and she tells me that he's been beating her. I agree to help (even though I promised myself I wouldn't have anything to do with her if she called me someday wanting me back in her life because he left Creighton)Then she starts asking me if I can lend her some money or pay for a lawyer because she's going to have to go through a really nasty custody battle over the kid. I tell her I don't know if I can help with that (feeling uneasy and used by the request) But I say that I will come help her pack and get away from him. The last thing I remember in the dream is feeling bewildered, angry, sad, and confused. angry at myself for not being strong enough to live up to my promise to myself that after what she's done I wouldn't take her back into my life, angry at her for everything, bewildered at the thought of making a real decision after I help her leave him, and sad because I'm afraid the whole way around I'm screwed.
*shakes head*
The good thing I suppose is that they were just dreams. Even if they were emotionally intense and have my head spinning in turmoil today.
I know the presence of lots of the big people I feel have really hurt and abandoned me over the years in my dreams last night probably just has to do with a feeling of regret, loneliness, and unresolved grief...
my brother stealing lots of alcohol from me... wtf?
Telling Jeremey off for some of the horrible things he did to me.
Starting a pagan craft club and telling Jill about it.
Talking with Angel Wylde on-line about his new marriage, recent child, and him showing me photos of them all gardening and playing together. (BTW I know nothing about Angel's current state of affairs I'm pretty sure he's been with the same girl for a while, but other than that I don't have any idea if any of the above have anything to do with reality)
But probably the strangest was the one where I get the out of the blue phone call from Ila crying and telling me she needs help leaving Creighton. I ask her if she's really thought this out and is sure, and she tells me that he's been beating her. I agree to help (even though I promised myself I wouldn't have anything to do with her if she called me someday wanting me back in her life because he left Creighton)Then she starts asking me if I can lend her some money or pay for a lawyer because she's going to have to go through a really nasty custody battle over the kid. I tell her I don't know if I can help with that (feeling uneasy and used by the request) But I say that I will come help her pack and get away from him. The last thing I remember in the dream is feeling bewildered, angry, sad, and confused. angry at myself for not being strong enough to live up to my promise to myself that after what she's done I wouldn't take her back into my life, angry at her for everything, bewildered at the thought of making a real decision after I help her leave him, and sad because I'm afraid the whole way around I'm screwed.
*shakes head*
The good thing I suppose is that they were just dreams. Even if they were emotionally intense and have my head spinning in turmoil today.
I know the presence of lots of the big people I feel have really hurt and abandoned me over the years in my dreams last night probably just has to do with a feeling of regret, loneliness, and unresolved grief...
