dreamed a little dream

[transpao]

I drempt of her last night... yet again.

Ye gods they are always so painful. It is either her scorn or her apathy that tugs at my broken heart until it overflows.

I wonder will I ever be ok again... have I ever been ok anyway.

All I am or was seems wrapped in some sort of dream that turned out to be total illusionary and I am left like a little fish on the beach after the tide gasping.



IN other news. tomorrow morning is looming large in my mind. The dread of work is soooo intense. There is nothing I can do either. I am trapped. I must admit I was almost looking forward to being let go Friday. I need the insurance. I need the money... *sigh* there is something so wrong with this sort of life... I can't ever seem to put it into words but it's there, glaring at me.

Or maybe I'm just not able to be content or happy. Perhaps this really is the human condition to suffer. It seems the more I try to grasp at the small straws of joy I see glimmering in front of me the more I crush them in clumsy hands.

Comments

[catherineschild.livejournal.com]

"Or maybe I'm just not able to be content or happy. Perhaps this really is the human condition to suffer. It seems the more I try to grasp at the small straws of joy I see glimmering in front of me the more I crush them in clumsy hands."

Have you considered that it's probably not you, but your enviroment?
Have you considered that it's probably not you, but the things and/or people you perceive that can give you the happiness/contentment? Your job, other people... it seems like all of external issues are controlling you internally when it should be vice versa.

[paosparti.livejournal.com]

the problem is I don't have internal joy. yes I've been told a million times I can't find it through others and so forth but I don't know how to find it in me.

[catherineschild.livejournal.com]

Have you even considered moving? Maybe moving closer to work? It could be your surroundings.