transpao

Today I am overwhelmed. The depression and the loneliness is oppressively heavy. I feel like I need company soooooo badly, but I feel like all I would do is drag others down. But even that is beside the point as I have no one to hang out with< I've run them all away.

I went and had lunch with my mother out of obligation. I know all it did was worry her because I'm so depressed. She wanted me to go shopping with her or to get our nails done... which to me sounds like two of the most horrible things possible. I hate crowds and "having my nails done" brings up major major gender issues, not to mention that I have no nails to speak of. I know she's trying and I wish I could give her more ... but I've got nothing right now.

I want so badly to soap but even that pulls me down right now as half my tools were thrown away by the evil step bitch while I was in the hospital. And I keep trying to let it go but I just have an over powering urge to go over to her house and throw away anything I think might be important to her.But I can't so I just sit here and feel angry and hurt, and every time I try to make do and soap anyway I just feel so overwhelmed it's not even worth it.

Ye gods why wont this feeling lift.