Something in Libra?

[transpao]

I was almost overwhelmed today on the drive home. I simply can't seem to shake her. No matter what happens... No matter what I try to do...

Stay busy
redirect my thoughts
rituals
find new people

Nothing

I keep dreaming of her. Even when I managed to push her from my thoughts in the daytime. Even when I am wrapped in the arms of someone new.

She hit me like a ton of bricks on the way home from work today. I'd driven in because I couldn't find my bus pass this morning. The hour drive is long and tedious and I pass through so much of my old stomping ground. But to tell the truth she was on my mind long before I got anywhere near something that could have triggered it.

So I did the only thing I could at the time. I lite a cigarette. Turned up the radio. And then drove as fast as I possibly could without causing an accident.

I stopped at the grocery to pick up some veggies and fruit because I have been living on absolute crap for the past week or two. and I know that isn't going to help me shed any of the pounds I've put on since starting the prednisone and lithium.

Then I stopped by the home depot to see if they had any of the salvias that I wanted. They didn't but they did have some more zucs and since I murdered the last one, I bought another. You know if I let it it could really get me down... that every year I start out with all these wonderful ideas and plans for my garden, and every year I fall so incredibly short of it. I swear to myself that it's just because I'm alone, and can't manage as much as I want to do, but it's somewhat disheartening to look at my miserable lawn, and garden.

So I came home put the groceries up and pulled out the lawn mower, and mowed my weed patch back to something the marshal wouldn't cite me for. I need to rent or purchase a small rototiller to go over the patch we tilled a few weeks ago, as it was never tilled very well to begin with and now all the grass and weeds have sprouted again.

oh yeah and my ruematologiest called today and wants me to come in for more lab work, apparently something wasn't right with my last results. They said something about my Vitamin D. I dunno. I should have plenty of D as I work in the sun all the damn time. *shrug*

Comments

[sequoianne.livejournal.com]

I don't know who "she" is but man do I know what you mean.

[paosparti.livejournal.com]

yeah, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my obsessive thought patterns *grin* and "She" was my best friend, off and on partner, my touch stone, and the girl I thought I was going to marry for about 10 years, but about 4 years ago she quit speaking to me abruptly... came to find out that a therapist of hers told her we were too co-dependent and needed to separate... then about two years after that she called and said she missed me and there was this huge hole in her life without me, the one thing was that in about 3 weeks she was planning to marry the man who had been my rival for her affection. When I admitted to her that it would take me some time to get ok with this news she again broke of communication via a 1 paragraph email that stated that she hoped I'd have a good life and that she would never speak to me again.