because I can't really say it

[transpao]

There is soooo much in side me right now. So much I want to say, and yet it just wont come. Likely it is fear holding my tongue, as so often is the case, especially with you. Or perhaps there aren't words. To many words have past between the two of us, yet in the same way not enough. Perhaps there aren't words, Perhaps you wouldn't listen even if there were.

I have hopes that you might learn, but experience would tell me that you don't. But then again neither do I, as much as I try, I see myself repeating my old patterns. A victim of my own delusional fairy tales. I wish I could teach you, and you me... But that has always been the dream. And I know I am not the only one that has had that dream with you.

Watching backwards as life like pictures
Stinging thoughts, born with phantoms
We danced above a world forgotten
Moments cherished...even now
A train-wrecked heart loves fairy tales
Singing from a gaping wound
However time has left unsettled
My memories play out of tune

You can't unmake a cold mistake
You can't undo the hearts you break


Then there is her, to whom I can't say anything because I am dead to her

She's been dancing through my head all day as well. She who will likely never read this, as she's also has swore me off, dancing into her own fairy tell. At least I've had the good scene to keep her from my life, knowing that to read her blissful fairytale would hurt to much to bare. Even knowing what little I do of her new life haunts me day and night. Even knowing she probably still misses me does little to dull the intensity of they betrayal.

How I wish the hate would dissolve to apathy. How I long to move on to put her from my thoughts. Even if it was as simple as being able to see another as my best friend, much less both lover and best friend. oh, to one day be able to look back on what we shared and not feel such pain that I regret our ever meeting. To be able to look to the future and see it as a world of possibilities and not simply a world void of her.

A heartfelt sorrow I believe
Offered this for passion's crime
A crippled satellite trapped in orbit
My memories play out of time

The listless price of my descension
Where emptiness has pulled me down
Cascading from my divagation
Below the frozen winter skies




My eyes resign dissolving vision
To vividness of sense and sequence
Betrayed by certain circumstances
Outside the world I've known

How cold and cut bewildered silence
Left me for a newer face
While sadness dances gracefully
In this forgotten place

Regardless of the introspection
I found myself in your reflection
I guess it's all too easy now
To look the other way

Saving graces, trading places
Asking for a sense of hope
But the line to heaven's ringing busy
And I walk this path alone